i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
