singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
