WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
