Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
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my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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