living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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