I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
