I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
