If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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