You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
