Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
