i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
