You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you win again, gameday.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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