woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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