Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
