Please, let me fuck your mom
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Randomize
