dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
