yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
