real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
