We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She needs sedatives and a leash
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
