I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
this will be a night to untag.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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