Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
