shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
