So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
