Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
