i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
