Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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