Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
