Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
