another moral hangover. fuck.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
