Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
