She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
