benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
