he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
