Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
