I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
