your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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