so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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