his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
