I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
