great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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