So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
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I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
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She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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