I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
well you can't waste a boner
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
