I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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