For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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