I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
