God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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