i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
