found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
