New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
