apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
