If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Found your dick twin last night
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
