if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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