she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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