Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
