just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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