you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
did i walk over a car last night?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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