Nicole vs. Life
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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