I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
