Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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