Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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