He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
