Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
