My hand turned me down
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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