i used baking grease as lip gloss
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
