this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
