first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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