How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
