Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
