Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
