Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You are the jesus of drinking
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
