God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize