I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
