Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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