I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He shit in the fireplace
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
