After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How external is "for external use only"?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
